Call Center Jokes

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates ya know.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Kids' Thoughts on Love

These kids' thoughts on love and funny quotes about love are fantastic for wedding speeches and anniversary toasts. You can even lighten a first date with these quotes!

These funny quotes about love range from what singles do on a first date to the role of holding hands when you're in love. These kids' thoughts on love are funny and quotable!

These kids' thoughts on love can be used as funny quotes about love for anniversary toasts or wedding speeches.

Kids' thoughts on love and the proper age to get married (great for wedding speeches):

• "Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)
• "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)

What do people do on a first date? This is an especially funny quote about love:

• "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

Kids' thoughts on love and when it's okay to kiss someone (good for anniversary toasts!):

• "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
• "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)
• "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...that's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

Is it better to be single or married? This is a funny quote about love:

• "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)
• "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

Kids' thoughts on love and why it happens between two particular people:

• "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)
• "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

The question, "What’s falling in love like?" can reveal funny quotes about love:

• "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
• "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

Kids' thoughts on love and good looks:

• "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
• "It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
• "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

Kids' thoughts on love and why lovers hold hands:

• "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

What do you really think of love? Some funny quotes about love for wedding speeches:

• "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when “The Simpsons” is on television." (Anita, 6)
• "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
• "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

Kids' thoughts on the personal qualities necessary to be a good lover:

• "One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8) What a funny quote about love!

Kids' thoughts on love and ways to make someone fall in love with you (great for wedding speeches):

• "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
• "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
• "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)

How can you tell if two adults eating dinner at a restaurant are in love? Funny quotes on love:

• "Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)
• "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
• "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

How to Pretend to Pay Attention and Get Good Grades

You ever wanted to be one of those kids who never pay attention in class, but some how got straight A's? Are you sitting there thinking you act all intelligent and your grades are low? This article will explain how to be smart and weird!

Steps

1. Find a smart kid. and invite them into your group. Don't be a jerk and use them but you'll see just hanging around them will boost your IQ.
   
2. Use your cell phone. Keep your notes and homework assignments in the memo feature. This way you can be/look weird but, actually smart when you always somehow know your assignments when you don't do anything in class or write down homework. If someone ask you what you are doing, tell me something weird like you're sending a text message to yourself.
   
3. Bring a recorder to school. Sit in the middle row so that way you can get good sound ,but look like you are not going to pay attention because your not in the front row. By using that recorder (maybe you can put it on your MP3/IPOD) you are still an idiot by not reading and not doing your homework and listening to music instead but you are actually smart for doing some kind of studying.
   
4. Keep a magazine in your text book. Read one page of the magazine and one page of the textbook. When someone asks you what your doing, you'll end up saying something about the magazine like "Pikachu is able to do thunderbolt because the electrons in its cheeks generate heat energy." Or something.
   
5. Study at home. If you study at home, you'll be ready for your next test and get an excellent grade on it. Studying at home rather than at school will keep everyone thinking you never pay attention and class.
   
6. Cheat. Only use this method as a last resort. If you really don't know what the answer is on a test, cheat on someone who will know the answer. Use any method to cheat that your teacher won't notice.
   

Tips

• Be smart.
  
• After class ask the teacher for a copy of the notes.
  
• Bring a notebook to class so you can draw and write notes at the same time.
  

Warnings

• Its always better to be smart.
  
• Don't get caught cheating.
  

Things You'll Need

• Recorder
  
• Magazine
  
• Cellphone
  
• Pencils
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Be Smart
  
• How to Pay Attention in a Dull Class
  
• How to Get Good Grades
  
• How to Cheat on a Test
  

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