Call Center Jokes

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates ya know.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Kids' Thoughts on Love

These kids' thoughts on love and funny quotes about love are fantastic for wedding speeches and anniversary toasts. You can even lighten a first date with these quotes!

These funny quotes about love range from what singles do on a first date to the role of holding hands when you're in love. These kids' thoughts on love are funny and quotable!

These kids' thoughts on love can be used as funny quotes about love for anniversary toasts or wedding speeches.

Kids' thoughts on love and the proper age to get married (great for wedding speeches):

• "Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)
• "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)

What do people do on a first date? This is an especially funny quote about love:

• "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

Kids' thoughts on love and when it's okay to kiss someone (good for anniversary toasts!):

• "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
• "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)
• "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...that's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

Is it better to be single or married? This is a funny quote about love:

• "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)
• "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

Kids' thoughts on love and why it happens between two particular people:

• "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)
• "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

The question, "What’s falling in love like?" can reveal funny quotes about love:

• "Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9)
• "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

Kids' thoughts on love and good looks:

• "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
• "It isn't always just how you look. Look at me, I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
• "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

Kids' thoughts on love and why lovers hold hands:

• "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

What do you really think of love? Some funny quotes about love for wedding speeches:

• "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when “The Simpsons” is on television." (Anita, 6)
• "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
• "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

Kids' thoughts on the personal qualities necessary to be a good lover:

• "One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8) What a funny quote about love!

Kids' thoughts on love and ways to make someone fall in love with you (great for wedding speeches):

• "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
• "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
• "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)

How can you tell if two adults eating dinner at a restaurant are in love? Funny quotes on love:

• "Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)
• "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
• "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)

How to Pretend to Pay Attention and Get Good Grades

You ever wanted to be one of those kids who never pay attention in class, but some how got straight A's? Are you sitting there thinking you act all intelligent and your grades are low? This article will explain how to be smart and weird!

Steps

1. Find a smart kid. and invite them into your group. Don't be a jerk and use them but you'll see just hanging around them will boost your IQ.
   
2. Use your cell phone. Keep your notes and homework assignments in the memo feature. This way you can be/look weird but, actually smart when you always somehow know your assignments when you don't do anything in class or write down homework. If someone ask you what you are doing, tell me something weird like you're sending a text message to yourself.
   
3. Bring a recorder to school. Sit in the middle row so that way you can get good sound ,but look like you are not going to pay attention because your not in the front row. By using that recorder (maybe you can put it on your MP3/IPOD) you are still an idiot by not reading and not doing your homework and listening to music instead but you are actually smart for doing some kind of studying.
   
4. Keep a magazine in your text book. Read one page of the magazine and one page of the textbook. When someone asks you what your doing, you'll end up saying something about the magazine like "Pikachu is able to do thunderbolt because the electrons in its cheeks generate heat energy." Or something.
   
5. Study at home. If you study at home, you'll be ready for your next test and get an excellent grade on it. Studying at home rather than at school will keep everyone thinking you never pay attention and class.
   
6. Cheat. Only use this method as a last resort. If you really don't know what the answer is on a test, cheat on someone who will know the answer. Use any method to cheat that your teacher won't notice.
   

Tips

• Be smart.
  
• After class ask the teacher for a copy of the notes.
  
• Bring a notebook to class so you can draw and write notes at the same time.
  

Warnings

• Its always better to be smart.
  
• Don't get caught cheating.
  

Things You'll Need

• Recorder
  
• Magazine
  
• Cellphone
  
• Pencils
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Be Smart
  
• How to Pay Attention in a Dull Class
  
• How to Get Good Grades
  
• How to Cheat on a Test
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Pretend to Pay Attention and Get Good Grades. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

How Men Change After Marriage...

The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I love U, I love U, I love U
After 6 months: Of course I love U
After 6 years: If I didn't love U, then why the did I propose?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home
After 6 months: BACK!!
After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring
After 6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room
After 6 years: Here's the money. Buy yourself something

Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone
After 6 months: Here, for you
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE!

Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
After 6 weeks: Honey, don't you worry, I'll never hold this against you
After 6 months: Watch out! Don't do it again
After 6 years: What's not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Oh my you look like an angel in that dress
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again???
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
After 6 weeks: How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
After 6 months: What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
After 6 years: Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie
After 6 years: I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to Bed, I can stay up by myself

Lol....

The Differences between Men and Women

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy

EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

10 Tips for Managing Stress during the day

• Make time for breakfast. Start the day with a reasonable breakfast, preferably including fruit, yoghurt, whole grain bread, nuts, porridge, and honey. Idlis, dosas prepared with less oil, uppma and pongal are good for health too. They will provide a boost to the immune system and adequate supply of natural sugars.

• Pay attention to your body and the signals it gives you. Notice the early warning signs such as colds, back & head aches, excessive tiredness, loss of concentration, unrefreshing sleep and mood changes. Your body and mind are telling you to ease back and take a break.

• Take regular breaks from your work during the day over lunchtimes and long weekends, to recharge your batteries. Always take holidays of sufficient length to provide a change which is relaxing, fun, stimulating or inspiring. Leave your laptops, Blackberries, PDA’s and mobile phones at home. You are not indispensable and it is good practice to educate others to manage without you.

• Find ways of closing down your day that allow you to shift your mental state from work anxiety and concern, to home relaxation. Your families do not appreciate you bringing home your work and anxieties, especially if you lock yourself away every night. Use your journey to do something which helps you switch off. When you get home do something which signifies you are now focussed on your family. Develop a closure ritual to signify to you and others that you have stopped working.

• Avoid unfinished business and putting off things we do not want to deal with are often the biggest causes of anxiety. Particularly towards the end of the day it is important to get closure on tasks, deal with unresolved issues with others and take actions to move forward with projects.

• Create a work and home environment or a space which calms, soothes, rejuvenates, excites, stimulates and feels like a haven of rest or a source of creative energy.

• Have a good clear out on a regular basis, at least monthly. Removing clutter, old clothes you never wear and books/papers which you no longer need, will create space, light and a positive sense of moving forward. Clear, shred and recycle to free “space” for the new you!

• Drink water, natural juices, smoothies, herbal and fruit teas as alternatives to coffee, black tea, alcohol and soft drinks. Your energy will be sustained rather than relying on quick fixes which ultimately leave you in a more tired state than the one you started in.

• Be prepared to ask for help & support. This will save you time, prevent issues from escalating and allow others to feel included & appreciated. Remember to thank others and recognise their efforts on a regular basis. They will gladly support you when you need it most.

Dear friend, even if you are not able to apply or follow all these suggestions immediately, please incorporate one or two in your lifestyle and see the difference..

Your Passion In Life: What Do You Really Want?

Ever wonder why some people never get anything good out of their life? That’s because they don’t know what they want in the first place!

You must be specific in your passions, then you must focus all your efforts on that particular desire.

Some people don't really know what they want. One moment they're excited over a particular thing or endeavor. The next thing you know they completely abandon it; either because they lose their interest or because they give up when they encounter a little problem.

Those who always change their minds and those who give up easily when the going gets tough will never get anywhere.

Maybe right now you're a bit confused. You don't seem to know what you really want in life. You might want to consider these:

1. What makes your heart beat with excitement?
2. What makes you happy?
3. What are you constantly thinking of day & night?
4. What do you want to do for the rest of your life?
5. What do you enjoy doing?
6. What are your obsessions?
7. What things make you jump with joy?

To help you out, just follow these steps.

1. Write on a piece of paper all your possible answers for the seven questions above. Write anything, even seemingly unimportant ones.
   
2. Circle 5 to 7 items that interests you the most.
   
3. Then evaluate and choose with your heart the one & only thing that is worthy to spend all your time & resources on. The chosen one should really be something that brings out the best in you.

Other than the exercise above, you can also ask your close friends and relatives about their personal dreams. You can also read books & surf the net to help you in your search.

Use your heart. Other people may disagree with you, but you should be firm with what you really want. Others may give comments or advice, but the final decision is always yours to make. You should concentrate on what you want, not on what others want for you.

Don't go to sleep tonight without making a final decision on WHAT YOU REALLY WANT IN LIFE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE

How to stop feeling low and comparing yourself with other people who are beautiful and rich?

Beauty is subjective and an accident of birth. Being rich is either an accident of birth, being in the right place at the right time, having the devil's own luck or a skill that just happens to be profitable. And beauty is fleeting - physically beautiful people have the hardest time getting older because they feel they have more to lose than the rest of us. And as evidenced by the latest adventures in the financial world, a rich person can turn into a poor person at any time. So don't envy those folks - their lives are far from easy. And I'm sure you have gifts and talents to offer the world - share them.